Last Friday night I got the call that everyone with aging parents dreads. It was my brother to say that mum had taken a turn for the worse and that she only had days to live. So, I dropped everything and caught the next plane to Sydney. I arrived there on Monday morning and went straight to the nursing home.

Mum was not conscious but was breathing easily and in very little pain. I stayed at her bedside all day and into the night. My sister, Robyn, came late morning and joined me. I had brought Mum’s diary that she gave me years ago that recorded events from January 1, 1965 to December 31, 1969. We started reading the entries to her and we went on for hours. We laughed and cried together and it was a special time that I will always cherish.

At one point, we were holding mum’s hand and explaining that we were here for her and an amazing thing happened. Even though she was completely unconscious, a tear rolled out of her eye. That was when we knew that she knew we were here for her in her last hours.

When her breathing started to get really labored in the afternoon we called Ian and Dad and they both came to the nursing home to say goodbye. That was also a special moment when the whole family were together for the very last time.

As night fell everyone else went home and it was just me and mum. I held her hand, read to her some more and just sat with her. The nurses thought the end was near when her breathing became really labored around 8pm. But by 9pm she was completely fine and her breathing was back to normal. By 10pm I commented to the nurse that it looked like she will make it through the night because her breathing had been normal for some time. As I was completely exhausted from a draining day and the fact that I had just flown in to Sydney from Denver, I decided to call it a night and head back to Dad’s place, which is just five minutes away.

I said goodbye to mum, kissed her on the forehead, knowing full well I might not see her alive again. Little did I know that I would be right and sooner than I expected. I was just drifting off to sleep at 10:45pm when the head nurse called me to come back to the nursing home right away. I was there within 10 minutes and they gave me the news. Mum had passed away about 10 minutes before – just a minute before they called me. Her breathing had remained normal and she was peaceful and in no pain until the end.

The Funeral

This morning we laid mum to rest. It was a whirlwind 48 hours getting everything ready but because Friday is a public holiday here and I wanted to head back to Denver on Saturday, we needed to have the funeral today. It all came together beautifully.

We met with the chaplain, Sylvia Nowlan, yesterday who worked at the nursing home and got to know Mum over the last couple of years. We created a program that we felt reflected Mum’s wishes. Robyn then did a fantastic job designing and printing the programs.

The service went really well – even better than I expected. We had a great turnout with most of mum’s good friends making it as well as many friends of Ian, Robyn and myself. We had my family in the US on Skype watching and I was able to say a quick hi to everyone before the service. Dad, Ian and I all gave speeches as well as Mum’s best friend Pat Bernard.

What I appreciated about today was that this would have been exactly the kind of celebration mum would have wanted. She loved being around her friends and family and she wouldn’t have wanted a big fuss made of everything. But she would have liked a simple service with an emphasis on family and friends under the presence of God. And we gave that to her – our final gift.

It has been a difficult few days but now the funeral is over I feel that the healing can begin. I still miss her terribly whenever I think about her but I appreciate her now more than ever. She was a great mum whose fierce love and strength will continue to support me for the rest of my life.

I created a slideshow from the thousands of photos lying around Dad’s house. It took a while but it was a labor of love and I wanted there to be a special reflection on mum’s life for the service today. You can watch the video below. I love you mum.